Happiness is a decision

If only I had more money then I’d be happy. If only she liked me then I’d be happy. If only I were famous, then I’d be happy. It seems happiness is almost always the product of something we don’t have. It’s something that is usually just out of our reach … but what if it’s not? What if happiness lies in a decision … literally.An experiment at Harvard University allowed a group of university students to engage in a black and white photography course. The students were given cameras and were told to take 12 pictures of things or people that were meaningful to them. The experimenters allowed them to choose their two ‘best’ pictures and blew them up. They then asked the student which one they wanted to keep and which they wanted to give up.There were however two conditions to this experiment. One group were told not to worry, the picture they gave up would remain on file and if they changed their mind within the next four days, they could swap it over for the other one. The other groups however, were told that their decision was final and that the picture they chose to leave behind would be shipped overseas – never to be seen again.So which group was ultimately happier with their decision?Well it turns out that both just before the swap and five days later, the group who were not given the opportunity to change their minds, liked their picture a lot more. They were happy with their decision because the picture they chose was way better than the one they left behind. And the other group? They deliberated, contemplated, over-thought and wondered whether they’d made the right decision. Even after the four-day window of opportunity to swap, they still didn’t like their picture.So why is this?It seems that we are unhappier before we’ve made a decision, while we are still contemplating what to do, compared to once we’ve made a final decision. This is due to a brain process that we engage in called rationalisation. Rationalisation is in essence, a defence mechanism by which our behaviours, decisions or actions are self-explained in a seemingly logical manner. When we can’t change an event or outcome, which we find ourselves experiencing, we reason with it. We prove to ourselves that it is what we wanted all along, what is right, what was ultimately the only choice we could have taken under the circumstances and we end up being … happy with it.Yeah but that isn’t real happiness, you’re not truly happy because you didn’t necessarily get what you truly wanted … right? No, not necessarily. While your happiness may not have naturally occurred from some remarkable instance in your life, its fabrication doesn’t make it any less personal, true or genuine.While it is important to strive toward our goals – and while ultimately some outcomes are better than others this shouldn’t make or break us, particularly if you can’t change the situation you are currently in. It is not necessarily the outcome of a decision that determines our ultimate happiness, but our brains intrinsic ability to change its perspective on its outcome.