Why do we self sabotage?

Why is it that even though you know your assignment is due tomorrow you put it off until the very last minute? Why is it that you know some foods are going to detract you from your goal to lose 5 kilos but you still choose to eat them anyway. Why is it that when you finally go on a date with that boy you really like that you find yourself acting stranger than usual?Self-sabotaging is essentially when we engage in a behaviour or thought process that compromises our ability to attain what we consciously desire. While we may not always be consciously aware of why we behave the way we do, self-sabotaging behaviours may present themselves in a variety of ways including

• Procrastination
• Over thinking
• Fixed beliefs
• Perfectionism
• Perceived ‘bad luck’
• Complaining
• Being unable to learn from mistakes
• Self-criticising/negative self-talk
• Having unrealistic expectations

One study involving a group of students who were invested in doing well academically tested this concept. Within this group, some participants believed that ability is fixed and unable to change and others believed that ability can progress through efforts. The participants were then told that they were to complete a test while listening to music; they were given the option to choose from a CD labeled ‘performance detractors’ or ‘performance enhancers’.Soo of course everyone would have chosen the performance enhancing CD right? Well actually no. The participants who believed that ability could change actually tended to choose the performance detractor CD instead. It seems that by choosing this CD they had something to blame if they were to do badly in the test, therefore protecting their self-esteem. While self-sabotaging can often prevent you from achieving your goals it can also however prevent you from feeling disappointment at having failed in achieving them. Self-sabotaging therefore is often used as a defence mechanism to protect our ego.Self-sabotaging can often be difficult to overcome, however there are a few strategies that over-time may help you break out of this self-handicapping behaviour:Develop an action plan for your goals: Developing a step-by-step guide to achieving your goals can allow you to clearly understand what is expected of you and avoid making excuses, complaining or over-thinking about how to reach them.Self-reflect: Be open to self-reflection. Start recognising what you may have done wrong as well as what you’ve done right. Learn what has worked and what hasn’t. Gaining this level of insight will allow you to make more productive decisions for yourself in the future. Realistic expectations: Of course it’s great to set goals - big goals and small goals. However it is important that you don’t expect too much of yourself too quickly or you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Setting attainable goals will increase your self-esteem, motivation and self-efficacy and allow you to continue to set and reach your goals in the future.Accept and learn from mistakes: This is a hard one. It can often be difficult to accept our imperfections however recognising our shortcomings is an important part of self-development and growth. Without accepting our mistakes we are likely to continue to engage in the same behaviours and ultimately detract ourselves from reaching our goals.Be more flexible: While it’s great to have a plan for your goals, it’s also important to be flexible in your approach to reaching them. Many people can become so fixated on one particular way of getting there and become disheartened when it doesn’t work – ultimately giving up in exasperation. By being flexible in our approach we are able to give ourselves a greater scope of opportunity to reach our goals and avoid feelings of hopelessness and giving up.Do you self-sabotage? And if so, what strategies do you use to overcome it?