What Makes A Jealous Person?
Jealousy is an emotion we have all experienced at one point or another. Maybe it was when your friend got a better grade on a test than you did, or when your colleague received the promotion you had really been hoping for. Whatever the case, we’ve all felt the flush in our cheeks, the boiling of our blood and the beat of our heart pulsate throughout our entire body. For most of us, these experiences occur every now and again and in response to particularly painful events however for others … they can occur weekly or even daily. So what makes a jealous person? Let’s find out!
Low self-esteem: Studies have found that women who scored lower in self-esteem reported more jealousy in romantic relationships than women who reported higher self-esteem. A lack of confidence in ones sense of self can lead to a need for validation from ones partner and hypersensitivity when these conditions are not met. Furthermore, individuals with low self-esteem may perceive their partner as being superior to them leading to feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and a fear that their partner will abandon them for someone ‘better’. People with low self-esteem may also become jealous of others on a more personal level, wishing that they possessed particular qualities that they observe in others.
Dependency in a relationship: We can become dependent on a relationship for a number of reasons. Perhaps we don’t have many other meaningful relationships in our life, perhaps we are completely infatuated with the person or perhaps they support us in a way that we feel we cannot be supported from anyone else. While it’s great to have relationships which we value and which are meaningful to us, become dependent on these relationships can cause us to feel jealousy whenever we perceive that the other person is not putting in the same effort that we are, or doesn’t value the relationship to the extent that we do.
Neuroticism: Neuroticism is one of the Big Five personality traits and people who are higher on this trait tend to also experience more anxiety, worry, fear, anger frustration and guilt than those who don't. A number of studies have suggested that individuals higher on neuroticism are also more likely to experience feelings of jealousy in relationships. When we are experience distressing emotions it is understandable that our anxieties around our relationships would also increase as we will often crave the interpersonal security that we receive from them.
Instability in a relationship: Are we dating? Are we together? Is this going somewhere? These questions, among many others may be going through your mind in the early stages of a relationship or when you are unclear of where you stand in a relationship. Studies have suggested that couples in steady relationships exhibit less jealousy than couples who are in their early stages of dating. Instability in a relationship, particularly if you strongly value the person and/or the relationship itself can be a trigger for jealousy if you are unclear of whether they perceive the relationship the same way.
Personality disorders: Jealousy is symptomatic of a number of personality disorders including histrionic personality disorder (HPD), borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with HPD often crave attention and validation from others and may become jealous if this isn’t received. People with BPD will often fluctuate to extremes in regard to the intensity of their relationships, perceiving someone as their best friend one day and enemy the other. When they are in a state of infatuation with another person they may be very possessive over them and become jealous fi their attention is placed elsewhere. People with NPD can often become jealous of others on an interpersonal and intrapersonal level – believing that they deserve the opportunities, attention of successes of others and becoming distressed if they don’t.
Jealousy can have lasting negative implications on one’s sense of self, meaningful relationships and overall mental health. Jealousy may often drive ones loved ones away from them which is often the opposite outcome which they are hoping to achieve and leave them feeling even more distressed than they did previously. It’s important to be aware of the underlying reasons of why jealousy occurs in order to take the first step in addressing it.