What You Need To Know About White Lies

Growing up, we are always taught not to lie. We can see this articulated in sayings such as “honesty is the best policy” and through the punishments we often received from our parents, teachers or other adults when we did, but as it turns out … lying is a part of daily life for most people.

“White lies” are lies that many of us tell fairly commonly; they usually have minimal (if any) consequences and will often be partially true. These lies are often considered to be harmless and therefore more socially acceptable. For example, you might tell your friend that you love the shirt she got you for your birthday when in reality you’d never wear it. The purpose is not necessarily selfish or malicious but rather to spare her feelings. Real lies on the other hand, are usually perceived as lies that are self-serving and ones that often hold serious consequences. These lies are usually intended to hurt or mislead someone in order to benefit the one who fabricated the lie.

When we speak of liars we are usually referring to people who construct these sorts of lies as oppose to white lies, which most people generally believe to be acceptable.

So what makes someone likely to tell a white lie?

A recent study using a sample of over 400 university students aimed to understand just this. In this study, students were asked to give a private rating of an essay written by another student to determine whether or not they should be accepted into a graduate program. The essay however, had deliberately been written to have a number of spelling and grammatical errors and was considered to be a low quality paper according to other raters. After giving their private ratings, half of the participants were informed of an ‘incident’ in which the writers cousin (whom he had a close relationship with), had recently passed away while the other half were given a neutral story. They were then required to provide direct feedback to the writer about their essay.

Results suggested that participants who heard the story about the writer’s cousin felt more compassion towards him/her and were more likely to be more sensitive and to pad their feedback than those in the neutral condition. When asked to rate the writer on their characteristics, these participants were also more likely to view them as more agreeable, warm, likeable and trustworthy than those in the neutral condition. Furthermore, this study also found that participants were more likely to be more honest when their feedback was given in private as oppose to when it was shared with the writer. This suggests that prosocial lying, or white lies were more likely to occur when there was fear of causing emotional harm with negative feedback.

How do white lies effect relationships?

So are white lies okay in relationships? Well … the answer may not be that simple!People often tell white lies within relationships with the intention of facilitating positive interactions; we often lie to our loved ones in order to avoid conflict or avoid hurting ones feelings. It should be noted that white lies tend to be more common among casual relationships as oppose to intimate or close relationships, as lying may violate the ideals of a close relationship. When we develop close relationships with another our reasoning for telling white lies on the basis of politeness, protecting oneself or upholding a particular standard tend to decrease.

Some studies have suggested that as the lying increases in relationships, intimacy tends to decrease; if caught, frequently telling lies may also increase uncertainty in close relationships. However intentions do matter, and in a study examining the relational impact of real lies as opposed to white lies it was found that white lies appeared to to have lesser consequences than real lies.

There are many differing perspectives on whether or not lying is appropriate or not in relationships, however overall it appears that occasional white lies do not tend to hold major consequences; especially when compared to real lies. Yet, frequent lies – even white lies – may also cause the recipient of the lie to feel uncertain and may decrease trust within ones relationship … so if you do choose to tell white lies, pick them very carefully!